Babysteps

     "Lord will you break my heart for what breaks yours?" I don’t know if you have ever prayed this prayer before but it is both a foolish and beautiful thing...because he will break you.  Usually over something you had never thought of, or even known about before. I have prayed this prayer before and it is the reason that I am where I am today. I was thirteen years old and God broke my heart for people who were hurting, so I decided I would go out and help them. Hence nursing school...but I had no idea what path God had in store for me seven years down the road when I went to India. I have experienced brokenness in many different ways, but I had never physically felt pain like I did when I came face to face with real women with real hearts who had been prostituting themselves to feed their family. Talk about ouch. It was both incredible and heart wrenching to meet women my age that had been living a lifestyle of worthlessness and helplessness. It sure makes the pain in my life look like allot easier. I will never forget those faces, or what I felt because it was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

          So here I am at this school, school of social justice, learning about how much more pain and brokenness is actually in this world and how deep and deadly it goes. Lemme just tell you I had no idea how scary it is.  I am not sure if I have a heart left after everything we've been exposed to and seen, but I also have a deeper understanding of why we need Jesus so very much! I can’t imagine dealing with these issues, and going into this "field of work" with out the hope that Jesus heals, and saves and redeems, I have no idea how people do it. I haven't even started doing anything major yet and I am struggling with hopelessness every day. How can you not when you come face to face with the ugly secrets of the world. So basically what I’m trying to say is that I am so grateful that I don’t have to be the one to heal people because that would be impossible. I am so glad that I don’t have to do anything except whatever baby step God gives me next. I am so glad that no matter how deep it gets or how ugly it is He will always carry the burden, and I can still have joy. That in itself is a miracle, and I hope that anyone who is working in this field will somehow find the joy, hope, and promises that I have found. Thank you Lord that you give us passion for things that are unexpected and so very beautiful, and you stand with us hand leading and guiding step by step through it all!